Gotta warn you all, this blog is being written a few hours after the last concert has ended (Last for this tour) and well, I'm a woman after all.... so forgive me if it gets too messy or too long in here.
Last night I finally sat down and watched the webcast, it felt almost as if I was there, sharing the moments with the guys and with my BH sistahs. I saw the opening and I had the butterflies in my stomach, I watched "If you go away" and I could feel like they were really reaching a hand and touching my soul, for realz, thats how I felt. I managed to watch "5 brothers& million sisters" without crying..It actually made me happy, it made me think about all my BH sisters that have been with me along this ride, about the fun we have togetah and just made me think that hell!! if they came back after so long.. they will nevah disappear.. RIGHT?
And then it happened.."I'll be loving you forever"!! while I was watching Jordan sing that, I realized what a long and great journey this one is ( I'd hate to write has been). While Jordan was giving his whole heart in that song, in a way only he can, I was that 13 year old girl again, sitting alone at my house (well this time I had booze with me- great improvement) after we moved to Israel and I had no one I could call a friend here, watching those great 5 guys on a video tape over and over again and feeling that I had someone I could trust. I remember the first time I saw the long version of IBLYF, where you get to see Jordans hands on the piano and thinking " life can't be that bad when I can see this".I don't think I can really explain what got into me back in the day , what was it in NKOTB that made me feel so special. I knew they were not "my friends" I knew they didn't even know I existed and I knew (well at least I thought I knew) that I will never get to see them and still, they were the closest thing to a best friends hug I had back then.
Time has gone by, 17 years have passed since that moment, I grew up, I changed, I made so many friends so easily, I traveled, I studied, I had good (and bad) real relationships, I met people, I went trough a few things in life but still, I have never felt the comfort I felt that time i first saw Jordan on the piano.
And last night, while I watched it, I was there again, only this time (Thank god for twitter)I finally had people with me (virtually) that could understand what I was talking about. People that didn't think it was weird I needed a box of Kleenex while watching a webcast. Last night, I was really crying like a baby when I watched IBLYF,I srsly was, but I had someone to share it with.. and I think that is one of the secrets of NKOTB- the BH sisterhood.
For a few weeks now I have been trying to understand what is it about NKOTB that make us feel so good, that make us be what we are- BLOCKHEADS. Coz there must be something larger than just the music or the looks or even they're personalities. I really think there must be a special something in the interaction between them. between them and us. between ourselves that makes them something larger than just a FREAKING HOT BOY BAND.
While I was making the " 5 bros& million sistahs" video I told some of you that I think NKOTB don't have even one ugly fan. Today I saw a video of a fan that was kissed for the first time in her life this year by Ddub,then it started to all come together, they make us feel good about ourselves. When we are around them, when they write to us, they make us feel like we are the most amazing women in the world. When Jordan looks into your eyes you feel like there's no one else he rather look at, when Donnie kisses you or talks to you the room is empty and all you can feel is him & you. When Jon hugs you (well thats if you don't die in his arms) you feel like he really cares, like that hug is as special for him as it is for you. And thats part of the secret, we all go trough life with our insecurities, with our things and sometimes we forget about ourselves, about the need to feel special, to feel a woman. Sure, most of us have partners, friends, husbands but in this crazy race that we call life sometimes we forget that we need that special attention, and that attention makes us all feel better about ourselves. Just look at pictures of us with the guys, the special sparkle we have in our eyes, and what amazes me the most- the guys have the same sparkle. It's like they really care that we feel good when we are around them. I know, the cynical in me tells me: thats they're job. But I'd like to think that this is more than just they're job, that when they say they care- they mean that.. and you know what? when I think about Jon and the way he talks/twiters to us I know it is not just they're job and I know it goes both ways. I know they enjoy the fact that now we can really appreciate them more than when we were teenagers, I feel like they know we all made sacrifices (small or big) to go see them and I just know that when they say thank you- they mean it from the bottom of they're hearts just as much as we do.
Another thing that amazes me is how real they are to us, while other bands will keep iT very politically correct, our guys get mad when we are dumb, they get sad when they are alone, they have fears, they get sick, they get tired and they don't hide that from us, they really let us be a part of they're lives just as much as we let them be a part of ours.
And I just feel that only certain people can "get that" like if you are a Blockhead it isn't just because you happen to like NKOTB. It is because you are willing to let yourself go with them. You are willing to open your heart and let all of it get in. And thats what I think it's the real secret of NKOTB- the BLOCKHEADS. I have meet lots of people in my life,from so many countries and in so many circumstances I can't even remember. But I NEVAH met a bunch of people so special as Blockheads. Really,I remember back in October, the first time I stepped(well, typed) to NKOTBFANS and I didn't even know what to say, what to write. Will people even read what I say? I was scared as I never been in a virtual community before. And from day one I felt like home, I felt that when I write something - someone that CARES will really read it. I was really new in the community when I decided that I must go to a concert but I couldn't order a VIP (damn ILAA- Israeli credit cards are not good enough for them) and then, without doubting me, without thinking I might be a weirdo Lydia told me she would buy it for me. She just trusted me the same way I trusted her without even knowing each other. Then I met more and more blockheads, people that really became a part of my life,people that know how to make me smile (BOOM.BANG.JK.ON.DECK), that know how to make me happy (Chubby JK in white jacket), people that were excited for me when I got to meet the guys- as much as I was excited for myself. Then I kind of entered the Jon board.. and that was scary as hell, for realz, I knew it was a big strong happy family there and those kind of situations are always hard for outsiders, but once again, Jon girls just as my hommies ,the Jordangirls, and just as any Blockhead I met made me feel at home right away,I think I even came to live in peace with the fact that I WANT A KNIGHT SANDWICH and theres nothing I can do about it!!
So I know Donnie said once that Jon is the "special sauce" but if you ask me Blockheads are the special sauce, Blockheads are the ones that make this ride so special, so much fun and yes, so emotional.When such an amazing bunch of people come together to celebrate they're love for 5 great guys- there's magic, and THAT IS THE SECRET OF NKOTB for me. You girls, me, and the guys, the interactions between us are what make us a family of 1,000,005 members.
So now this part of the ride is ending ( excuse me while I use anotah tissue), the guys are going back to they're lives, they are getting they're well deserved rest and I have this strange knot in my throat, Like theres so much I need to say and I can't find the words. I wish I could say just thank you , but I'm not sure thank you is enough to express all the feelings I have right now. I feel like no mattah what words will I choose to use- they wont be enough. It's like trying to explain to an outsider what a Jon or a Jordan hug feels like...What a Ddub kiss feels like sometimes words are not what you need to express how you feel.
Sure, I'm sad , sad that there will be no new youtubes to watch (shhhh don't tell Jon) sad that I didn't really get to be in a Full Service concert, sad that I don't know how long will it be till next time we hear from them, sad that this chapter is ovah.
But I'm also happy, happy that at 30 I got to make a childhood dream come true, happy that I got to have more dreams just at a time when I forgot what dreams are made of.I'm happy that I got to be myself with no masks, happy that I was a part of this journey , happy that for 5 short minutes I got to look into NKOTB eyes and feel that sparkle. happy that when I'll be gray and old I will have this amazing story to tell to my grandkids, a story about a bunch of crazy women and 5 crazy guys and dreams coming true.
So sure, right now I'm crying like a baby, I'm crying coz I have so many mixed feelings about this, but I know that in a few days when I'll readjust to life with NKOTB on break The happy part will be the one I will carry with me,because no matter how long it will take them to come back, no matter where it will happen, when or how I just know they will do it when the time and place are right not only for them but for us. And i know that when that magic happens again we will all be there once again, typing with Boston accent, using words only we can understand, laughing together, being excited about otah fans meeting the guys. I just know that this magic will never end.. even if takes us a lifetime to live it again- WE WILL GET ANOTAH NKOTB RIDE and it will be as amazing as this one.
I wanted to end this blog thanking some blockheads that became so close to me that I can truly call them friends, so this time I wont use nicknames, this time it's a real woman talking to her sistahs.
So thank you Lydia for helping me make my dream come true.Thank you Becks for being there while it happened and for not killing me for my over excitement.
Thank you Lee, Jackie,Brita,Kara,Kristy for being as excited as i was when i flew to Amsterdam. thank you for being there for me during all the preparations, thank you for creating that amazing place I still call home
Thank you Heather, Linda ( my virtual twin) Petra and Dawn or all the hours spent on Fans, for the laughter, for the excitement, for all the "Jk present" emails, Thank you for sharing so many emotions. so many (GUTTAH) thoughts and well.. just for making that community what it is
Thank you Christine, Mara, Danielle, Denisse & Joy for sharing the concert with me... it would have nevah been the same if you girls wouldn't be standing there.
Thank you To my DHL sistahs: Dyan, Khateleen and Serena, for making our frustration a great laugh, for getting into those boxes with me, for going along with whatever stupid idea i had..And a special Thank you to Serena for creating our new home on #69 Guttah street and for giving the keys to both Knights.
Thank you to all my Twitter friends , coz most of you are not followers or people I follow- YOU ARE FRIENDS
LONG LIVE THE BLOCK!!!!
Yael (aka: Crazy Israeli Fan)
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